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Tuesday, May 13th 2008
Today yet another long stressful day. What makes it even better is I got my nose broke. I was playing with Cullen and he kicked me. It hurts so bad. It rained most of the day. I have crabby kids that want to fight over every little thing. I found out that I am still a dissapointment. (no big surprise) I guess I just should stop caring. I fucking hate the week of my birthday. Every year at the week of my birthday shit happens. Happy fucking birthday to me lets see how much more is going to happen before this week is done. I can't wait.
Monday, May 12th 2008
Today was court for my sister and he showed up with counsel. This changed everything. I feel bad for my sister. She is hurting so bad. I told him he better stand up be a man and tell his dad to Fuck Off. His dad is an asshole and I say that with no doubt in my mind and while he might be an over sized ogre I am not afraid of him. I say bring it on!!!!!
Do you ever want to hear from someone and you wait and hope that they will call you just to show they care. It is so hard not to be disappointed when they don't. It was just a random thought I had. I went on a long drive up north today. It was nice and it helped me to just relax. I am planning to go back there to visit Anderson's crossing, Shell City and some other things. These are all things on my list of things I want to see. I also want to go to Mystery cave in south east MN. Things I have seen and places I've been The BWCA Iron World Sudan Underground Mine Lake Itasca, Headwaters of the Mississippi Jay Cooke State park Gooseberry Falls Devils Kettle Thunder Bay Kekabeka Falls Swimming in lake Superior Great lakes aquarium Lake Superior Zoo Evelyth Inspiration Peak Whapaton zoo Crossed the river foot bridge between Mn and Nd Pipestone Sioux Falls, SD North Platte, Ne Norfolk, Ne Wild Bill Museum Fort Benning, Ga Atlanta, Ga Chicago only overnight in bus depot Fort Abercrombie wow this is getting to be quite a list. I am going to end it here wanted to add this quote If you want a high performance woman, I can go from zero to bitch in less than 2.1 seconds.
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Saturday, May 10th 2008
It has been raining almost all day. Shawn is working almost all day too. Next weekend he has off but we have stuff to do. It is also my birthday on saterday. Last night Marissa was riding Laredo she went down to my house and back it's about a quarter mile. That is good because he hadn't been riddin in a very long time. I thought maybe she wasn't going to ride him anymore. It is too bad the neighbors don't keep their dogs off the road they come down and bark at the horses and sometimes try to bite. There are times I wish we had better neighbors. I don't know what we are going to do for hay haven't found any land to rent.
The news...... I was watching the news the other day and they had on there that a ten year old had given birth. What kind of sick pervert would do and and how many others has he messed with that didn't get pregnant. I just get sick when I hear things like this. for everyone that is caught how many more sick perverts are not? You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated?
What of it?
The man who alters his way of thinking
to suit others is a fool.
My way of thinking is the result
of my reflections.
It is part of my inner being,
the way I am made.
~ Marquis de Sade ~
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Friday, May 9th 2008
Today some thoughts on how lucky I am. I have four healthy children well ok three and a teenager. The special person in my life who takes care of me and tries to make it all ok Shawn. I still have my house and this place we live at so total we have two houses and 25 acres. 13 horses, 15 with my sisters two that are here for a bit. 9 goats, a few chickens, 3 dogs, an ever changing number of cats (because we must have a sign that says leave your unwanted cats here) and a potbellied pig. There has been about five or six ducks hanging around the pond (really it's a large mud hole) There are tough times but we manage to make it through. The one that stands out right now is making it through the winter without the big furnace, frozen water pipes and all that stuff. Right now the tough thing is gas prices and I'm sure that is no different for anyone else out there. sixty dollars to fill the tank takes a big chunk out of any budget. Tisa is still looking thin I hope now that the grass is growing she will start putting weight back on. Kurt was over for a bit today. He looks awful. He was worried that Shawn would be upset with him calling and coming over so much. I don't know why he would think that cause Shawn is fine with it. I try to explain how Shawn and I talk about everything and do alot together except working on a car or something like that because he doesn't know the tools and I get pissed off and throw things. (not at him!) well better go
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Thursday, May 8th 2008
I feel torn right now. Torn because I want to believe that I am not being used. I am to nice for my own good. It's hard when I have noone to talk to about things that are going on. I just feel like I am lost in the world. Shawn and I talk about it he gets it and that does help. I just don't like to let someone feel alone in this world because I know that feeling. It isn't good. I am sure there are people out there that would say they know the feeling but do they really know? Have they had to face the world with noone there the only person that you can count on is you because everyone else is just out to get what they can from you. They like to make you feel special and get what it is they want and leave you alone feeling worse then ever. It is what it is and I don't say it as a sob story. I made it through and I learned alot. I have lots of flaws. I could write a book on my faults.
Ugg I hate woodticks! When you find one crawling on you, you feel like they are all over you. They seem to ride in on the dogs. They don't stick to them because of the flea and tick collars so they end up on the floor in the house and then on me. Yuck!
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